Dear M. Clayton: Thanks for this fantastic review and best wishes for continued stress-free potty training with your daughter!

Sincerely, Sara & Dr. Pete

He wrote:
Admittedly, I’ve read my fair share of potty-training tomes touting the “one-day-and-you’re-done” theories and have only become more intimidated & frustrated, further from potty training our toddler than before. Therefore I was skeptical as I believe potty training is not “Stress-Free” but I now believe that the subtitle “Common Sense” is much more applicable after reading Dr. Stavinoha’s book. His approach is just what we have searched for & intuitively knew: not all children are the same (and why would we want that?).

However, after reading “Stress Free”, I was relieved to learn that we’re not the only family for whom this is a tough process (and no, it is NOT done in a day) and that like most people we are not behind because we didn’t train my child as 3 month old infant. In fact, once I read the book, I was confident that my child can learn quickly when we’re aware of the signs (that she’s ready) and we’re consistent.

This book is a fairly quick read with well organized & concise with an emphasis listening to your child, maintaining a consistent routine & once you’ve begun, he recommends encouraging your child with love & affection rather than stickers, toys, gadgets, et al — common sense, indeed! I highly recommend this book and am grateful for my good friend who told me about it, too. Best of luck & don’t fret: your child won’t go to college in diapers!
~ From M. Clayton via Amazon

Stress-Free Potty Training’s Facebook Page

Promote Your Page Too

Are you going to start your potty training efforts over this long weekend? It’s a great time to start, but do keep in mind that for *most* kids, it will take more than a long-weekend to learn this skill. You can make really good headway though, so get out your potties and underpants and let’s get going!

First, have you determined your child’s temperament? Do you know what kind of potty training technique will resonate best with him or her? Do you have an inkling that the flushing sounds will scare him or the biggest struggle will be to get her to sit still? It’s imperative that you factor in your child’s personality before you take this first step. That’s where our book comes in! With the awesome expertise of pediatric neuropsychologist Dr. Pete Stavinoha, our book gives you a peek inside your child’s brain to help you figure out if just setting him on the potty at specific times or letting him run around naked will be the best way to start.

Once you’ve figured that out, it’s time to use our suggested techniques on your child. Regardless of the claims of *other* books, not one tactic will work for every child. Take our suggestions and improve upon them based on your individual child’s interests or your own family’s traditions.  Does your child like praise in the form of a big to-do – potty dance and whoops of victory? Or does he get embarrassed at that and would prefer just a high-five or a private hug?

Will you have lots of family in town for the holiday? Are you having a big cook-out with your neighbors? Take this into account when it comes to potty training, because not only may your child get scared to do his business in the midst of all these people, you also might get sidetracked from keeping a careful watch on your child and accidents might occur.

Accidents should be dealt with in a very matter-of-fact way. Don’t scold, that doesn’t help her learn. And don’t assume your child is really upset either. Just say, “Oh, you had an accident. That happens when you’re learning. It’s okay, let’s get you all cleaned up. Next time, let’s see how fast we can run to the bathroom!”

Spend a lot of time role-modeling – letting your child see how you go to the bathroom and what steps you take while you’re in there. It may be embarrassing or feel strange, but it’s the best way to help him learn.

Good luck… and Happy Memorial Day!

Sending out a HUGE “Thank You” to all the Stress-Free Potty Training fans, because… (drumroll please!)… we’re #1 in our category on Amazon again this weekend (4/24-25/09).

Because you keep passing the word on to your friends and families, you’ve helped us achieve this milestone. Dr. Pete & I appreciate it very much.

You’ll be seeing Dr. Pete everywhere in the next few months. He’s guest-starring on PBS’ kids show, “A Place Of Our Own,” will be a featured expert on AOL’s ParentDish.com next week and is quoted in the July issue of Parents magazine.

Again, thanks, and keep sending us your comments!

Please fan us on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter (@pottytraining), as well as join our discussion group for Potty Training Moms on TwitterMoms.

Spring is springing, so it’s a great time to think about potty training strategies and to plan ahead! Especially for those children who may be enrolling in preschool next fall, and especially if the preschool “requires” the child to be potty trained, it’s a good time to start strategizing about potty training so that you are not left scrambling trying to train your child under a tight deadline.

Just like it was never a good idea to cram for a test in high school or college (you could get a good grade but the info didn’t stick , don’t wait to initiate potty training strategies until the last minute. If you have that much time, now is a great time to start planting seeds of interest – let your child walk in on your pottying (and especially for boys make sure Dad is getting into the act!), walking through the underpants aisle and making sure your child sees her favorite character, and as it gets warmer letting your child roam naked for a time. The idea is to stimulate interest in pottying and to make sure your child knows what it’s all about. No need to fuss or demand anything – start by working on interest. A motivated child will do what she’s capable of doing.

Psychologist Dr. Lynne Kenney, the Family Coach, calls Stress-Free Potty Training a “miraculous” book and recommends it to all her patients’ families. She says it goes beyond what pediatrician’s will tell parents. Take a listen here, http://bit.ly/pottypodcast, as she questions us about readiness, where parents should start, how learning to pee is different than learning to poop, and how parents can best encourage their child’s interest in toileting.

She’ll have us back for another interview in April, to talk about constipation issues and power struggles. We’ll keep you posted on the details!

Listen live to the Family Coach, Lynne Kenney, interview Dr. Pete about stress-free potty training techniques, today, Monday, 3/9/09 at 3pm ET. Lynne calls our book “miraculous” and promises to get the pooper scoop on the best potty training advice around. If you’re potty training, you don’t want to miss it!

The call-in number for live questions and answers is (646) 200-0285, and the website is http://www.blogtalkradio.com/The-Family-Coach.

You can always catch up with and ask questions of Dr. Pete & Sara at www.stressfreepottytraining.com, as well as www.therealparentingshow.com. We look forward to hearing from you!

Keep well,

Dr. Pete & Sara

Build on each small success in potty training your child. Be specific in your praise when they recognize the feelings they have to go, tell you they have to go, run really fast to the potty, wipe themselves, wash hands afterwards, and of course when they actually get the pee-pee or poop into the potty. Even if they don’t do it all right, find something to praise. In addition, study in advance the kind of praise s/he likes best and then give plenty of it! If he enjoys crowing about success, perhaps you could phone Grandma and tell her how great it’s going! If she likes it when you get really excited, come up with a silly Potty Song & Dance to do each time she’s triumphant. (Think of the old football end zone dances and you’ll get the idea.) Making up the song and dance could be a great bonding activity for you guys to do in between sit sessions. (If you come up with a good one, videotape it & submit it into a contest, sponsored by PullUps at http://m80im.com/newsroom/2009/02/23/potty-dance-sweepstakes/) If he prefers more subdued reactions, you could write down each success and show the list to the rest of the family. The point is to build up their confidence, reinforce their good behavior, and spur them on to the larger goal of bodily control.

The point is to know your child, what motivates him/her and to build on each successful step in the process. Good Luck!

~Sara & Dr. Pete

I got this question on our TwitterMoms potty training group and thought I’d share, as it is something other parents may be facing.
———————

My daughter just turned 3 this month. She has mastered the art of peeing. We have had lots of trouble with poop though. She has chronic constipation and such a fear of the pain that might be endured she immediately starts crying when she sits on potty.
———————
Sara’s advice, mom-to-mom: just take it very very slowly. Role model with her, talk about your own experiences (if you’ve never been constipated, make something up so she knows you can understand her fear) and don’t push her. One thing I always try when something is necessary but hurts my kids (like a shot or getting a sliver out) is to hold their hand and tell them to squeeze my hand as hard as it hurts. That does two things: involves you in their pain, which makes them feel less alone, and also takes their mind off what actually hurts because they are so intent on squeezing your hand as hard as they can. That might be something you can try with your daughter. If the poop doesn’t really hurt anymore, but she’s just afraid of it hurting, this exercise might get her to understand it’s not as bad as she fears. Talk with your pediatrician about the stool sampler he has her on and the effects that might have on potty training.

Dr. Pete, pediatric neuropsychologist, adds: in addition to Sara’s wonderful comments, I thought I’d take a moment to emphasize the importance of relaxation in this. You describe a common problem for children who are constipated – it hurts, so they hold, which makes it hurt more, so they hold more, etc. In addition to following the guidance of a pediatrician, it is important to facilitate a child’s relaxation to poop. Sara’s suggestion of squeezing your hand is a great example of distraction – something to get the mind off the pain in order to relax. Watch your child for things that are comforting and relaxing – maybe it’s music or a story or a blanket or whatever – the stool softener can help increase comfort, and relaxation methods can help decrease the fear and resistance of the pain. Perhaps practice sitting on the potty (with relaxation methods) during times when it is a little more likely that the child may poop – like right after a meal. Good luck!

Alot of parents ask Dr. Pete and I if they inadvertantly missed the window of opportunity potty training their child.  Many children get interested early, often before 2 years of age, and then their parents get all excited.  But once they bring home the underwear and potty chair, the child doesn’t even want to look at them! So take heart, if your child does this he/she is acting very normal! Definitely don’t force him/her, but don’t worry too much about it. If he/she is in daycare, talk with the daycare providers about what they do to train the kids… often simple peer pressure is enough to get most kids in a class to start potty training together. You can mirror their activities at home, too! In the meantime, or if you’re at home with your child, just try some passive techniques – let him/her in the bathroom with you, let him/her see what you do, and talk, talk, talk about all that’s involved in going on the potty. Pretty soon, he/she’ll get interested again!

~ Sara Au, co-author of Stress-Free Potty Training